Once Upon A Time In Maryland

Delonte West is a pretty ballsy guy. Not only did he cut off a police officer on his spaceship, but he did it with a guitar case carrying a loaded shotgun strapped to his back. He also had a 9mm and a .357 magnum on him when he was arrested.

I've come to the conclusion that Delonte is actually El Mariachi.

Schrempf Scampi's 2009 College Football Predictions

The picks are only a week late, as you will see from my pick of Oklahoma State winning the championship... I knew I would be wrong, but I just wish it wasn't proven so early.

JP

ACC Champ: Georgia Tech
Big 12 Champ: Oklahoma State
Big East Champ: West Virginia
Big Ten Champ: Penn State
C-USA Champ: Tulsa
MAC Champ: Toledo
Mtn West Champ:BYU
Pac-10 Champ: USC
SEC Champ: Florida
Sun Belt Champ: North Texas
WAC Champ: Boise St.

Heisman Winner: Jahvid Best

BCS National Champion: Oklahoma State

Bold, Random Prediction: Oklahoma State as my champ doesn't count? Tennessee beats Florida

Player who probably won't win the heisman but deserves it anyway: Dez Bryant


Pederman


ACC Champ: Clemson
Big 12 Champ: Kansas
Big East Champ: West Virginia
Big Ten Champ: Michigan State
C-USA Champ: East Carolina
MAC Champ: Central Michigan
Mtn West Champ:BYU
Pac-10 Champ: California
SEC Champ: Ole Miss
Sun Belt Champ: Troy
WAC Champ: Boise St.

Heisman Winner: Todd Reesing

BCS National Champion: BYU. Its 1984 all over again. Ty Detmer baby!!!!

Bold, Random Prediction: None of these predictions can happen. We are all dumber for reading them.

Player who probably won't win the heisman but deserves it anyway: Greg Paulus!!!! Just kidding he sucks balls. Noel Devine or Dennis Pitta its a toss up. What about Dan LeFevour?


Boobs


ACC Champ: Georgia Tech
Big 12 Champ: Oklahoma
Big East Champ: South Florida
Big Ten Champ: Penn State
C-USA Champ: Southern Mississppi
MAC Champ: Central Michigan
Mtn West Champ:TCU
Pac-10 Champ: Cal
SEC Champ: Florida
Sun Belt Champ: Florida Atlantic
WAC Champ: Boise St.

Heisman Winner: Colt McCoy

BCS National Champion: Florida

Bold, Random Prediction: Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, goes right for one of the Non-BCS teams as they not only make a BCS game, they make the national championship game only to lose to Florida. My pick: Boise St.

Player who probably won't win the heisman but deserves it anyway: Jonathan Dwyer


Vanilla Gorilla


ACC Champ: Georgia Tech
Big 12 Champ: Texas (Gross)
Big East Champ: Cincinnati
Big Ten Champ: Penn State
C-USA Champ: Houston
MAC Champ: Western Michigan
Mtn West Champ:Utah
Pac-10 Champ: Cal
SEC Champ: Florida
Sun Belt Champ: Arkansas St.
WAC Champ: Boise St.

Heisman Winner: Tim Tebow

BCS National Champion: Florida

Bold, Random Prediction:Mizzou makes a run for being the Big 12 Champ even after losing Maclin and Daniel.

Player who probably won't win the heisman but deserves it anyway: Jevan Snead

SUNDAYS ARE BACK!

The NFL season is back and it couldn't have come soon enough. I will be spending every Sunday from now until February 7th on the couch watching countless hours of football. I can't think of anything better than that. Enjoy the games today!

Schrempf Scampi's Guaranteed-to-be-wrong 2009-10 NFL Predictions

Alright kids, place your bets accordingly (avoid our picks at all costs).

JP

-AFC-
West Champ: Chargers
East: Patriots
North: Steelers
South: Titans

Wildcard: Dolphins
Wildcard: Colts

Conference Champs:
Titans over Patriots
-NFC-
West: Seahawks
East: Eagles
North: Vikings
South: Saints

Wildcard: Falcons
Wildcard: Redskins

Conference Champs:
Eagles over Vikings

Super Bowl XLIV
Eagles over Titans

Super Bowl MVP: Donovan McNabb
Regular Season MVP: Drew Brees
Offensive Player of the Year: Drew Brees
Defensive Player of the Year: DeMarcus Ware
Offensive Rookie of the Year: Donald Brown
Defensive Rookie of the Year: Brian Orakpo
Comeback Player of the Year: Tom Brady
Head Coach of the Year: Jim Zorn


Vanilla Gorilla

-AFC-
West Champ: Chargers
East: Patriots
North: Steelers
South: Titans

Wildcard: Dolphins
Wildcard: Colts

Conference Champs:
Titans over Chargers

-NFC-
West: Cardinals
East: Eagles
North: Vikings
South: Panthers

Wildcard: Cowboys
Wildcard: Falcons

Conference Champs:
Falcons over Vikings

Super Bowl XLIV
Titans over Falcons

Super Bowl MVP: Chris Johnson
Regular Season MVP: Phillip Rivers
Offensive Player of the Year: Adrian Peterson
Defensive Player of the Year: DeMarcus Ware
Offensive Rookie of the Year: Percy Harvin
Defensive Rookie of the Year: Rey Maualuga
Comeback Player of the Year: Chad Ochocinco
Head Coach of the Year: Jeff Fisher


Ben15

-AFC-
West Champ: Denver
East: Patriots
North: Steelers
South: Titans

Wildcard: Colts
Wildcard: Baltimore

Conference Champs:
Patriots over Steelers

-NFC-
West: Cardinals
East: Washington
North: Bears
South: New Orleans

Wildcard: Vikings
Wildcard: Falcons

Conference Champs:
Vikings over Cardinals

Super Bowl XLIV
Patriots over Vikings

Super Bowl MVP: Randy Moss
Regular Season MVP: Tom Brady
Offensive Player of the Year: Adrian Peterson
Defensive Player of the Year: DeMarcus Ware
Offensive Rookie of the Year: Chris Wells
Defensive Rookie of the Year: Aaron Curry
Comeback Player of the Year: Tom Brady
Head Coach of the Year: Bill Belichick


Tenny


-AFC-
West Champ: Chargers
East: Patriots
North: Steelers
South: Titans

Wildcard: Dolphins
Wildcard: Ravens

Conference Champs:
Patriots over Steelers

-NFC-
West: Cardinals
East: Giants
North: Vikings
South: Falcons

Wildcard: Eagles
Wildcard: Saints

Conference Champs:
Giants over Eagles

Super Bowl XLIV
Patriots over Giants

Super Bowl MVP: Tom Brady
Regular Season MVP: Tom Brady
Offensive Player of the Year: Adrian Peterson
Defensive Player of the Year: Jared Allen
Offensive Rookie of the Year: Mark Sanchez
Defensive Rookie of the Year: Aaron Curry
Comeback Player of the Year: Chad Ochocinco
Head Coach of the Year: Bill Belichick


Pederman

-AFC-
West Champ: Chargers (when Turner is fired)
East: Dolphins
North: Bengals
South: Texans

Wildcard:Ravens
Wildcard: Jags

Conference Champs:
Chargers over Texans
-NFC-
West: Cardinals
East: Redskins
North: Vikings
South: Saints

Wildcard: Packers
Wildcard: Falcons

Conference Champs:
Saints over Vikings

Super Bowl XLIV
Chargers over Saints

Super Bowl MVP: Jacob Hester
Regular Season MVP: Drew Brees
Offensive Player of the Year: Adrian Peterson (Bears)
Defensive Player of the Year: Jared Allen
Offensive Rookie of the Year: Percy Harvin
Defensive Rookie of the Year: Brian Cushing
Comeback Player of the Year: Chris Henry
Head Coach of the Year: Todd Haley

Boobs


-AFC-
West Champ: Chargers
East: Patriots
North: Steelers
South: Colts

Wildcard: Bengals
Wildcard: Jaguars

Conference Champs:
Patriots over Chargers

-NFC-
West: Seahawks
East: Giants
North: Packers
South: Falcons

Wildcard: Vikings
Wildcard: Cowboys

Conference Champs:
Falcons over Packers

Super Bowl XLIV
Patriots over Falcons

Super Bowl MVP: Randy Moss
Regular Season MVP: Carson Palmer
Offensive Player of the Year: Adrian Peterson
Defensive Player of the Year: Patrick Willis
Offensive Rookie of the Year: Chris Beanie Wells
Defensive Rookie of the Year: Rey Maualuga
Comeback Player of the Year: Tom Brady
Head Coach of the Year: Jack Del Rio

Today's Thumbs Up and High Five Awesomeness Award Winner...

Kaleb Eulls, come on down!


So you're riding a school bus, doze off while listening to your iPod and wake up to a deranged teenage girl waving a loaded gun around, oh and you have three little sisters on the bus with you. What do you do? Don't answer that, just save yourself the embarrassment, because it's not nearly as awesome as what Kaleb Eulls did.

Eulls:

"I kept my distance for a second, she kind of glanced away or blinked and I got to her," he told the newspaper. He took her down, wrested away the gun, and held it up to show the other kids it was over.

Wow. That is so awesome... it's really nice to hear about some good off-the-field athlete related news. Even better though:

“I just tried to catch her attention to get the girl to point the gun directly at me and not at anyone else,” Eulls said.

He stared her down and would've actually gotten shot so that the others wouldn't. Can we get this kid a movie deal already?

Kaleb Eulls is an 18 year old DE/QB for Yazoo County High School in Mississippi and is a commit to Mississippi State. Kaleb, this TUHFAA's for you.


MSNBC

David Wright's New Helmet Looks Familiar